Navigating Toxic Leadership Without Losing Yourself
Sarah had always been a high performer. With years of experience and a track record of success, she felt confident in her role as a marketing manager. But when her company brought in a new director, things changed. Her new boss, Michael, was charismatic in meetings with higher-ups, but behind closed doors, it was a different story. Michael was controlling, constantly criticising Sarah’s work without offering any constructive feedback. He’d micromanage projects down to the smallest detail and then take credit for their success.
At first, Sarah tried to adjust. She thought that maybe she just needed to prove herself. But over time, Michael’s behaviour began to take a toll. Sarah started doubting her abilities, second-guessing every decision she made. She became emotionally exhausted, struggling to keep up with the constant demands and fear of failure. The career she once loved had become a source of dread. It wasn’t the work that was the problem—it was her toxic boss.
Sarah’s story is not unique. Many women find themselves stuck in similar situations, where the impact of toxic leadership can cloud their entire career experience. Dealing with a toxic boss is tough, and it’s definitely not something that changes overnight.
I know it’s not easy, but there are steps you can take that might help you regain some control, protect your well-being, and manage the challenges of a toxic boss without losing yourself in the process.
1. Reaffirm Your Worth
One of the most damaging effects of working under a toxic boss is the gradual erosion of self-worth. Sarah, like many others, began to internalise her boss’s criticisms, believing that she wasn’t capable of doing her job well. To regain your power, it’s crucial to reaffirm your value.
Think back to your previous successes and the skills that brought you into this role in the first place. Recognise that your toxic boss’s behaviour is a reflection of them, not you. Their inability to provide constructive feedback or support says more about their leadership style than your capabilities.
Action Step: Write down a list of your recent accomplishments, and refer to it regularly to remind yourself of your strengths and the value you bring.
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Toxic bosses, like Michael, often blur the lines between professional and personal time, making endless demands that push you toward burnout. Setting boundaries is a critical step in regaining your power. Without clear boundaries, toxic leaders can manipulate your time and emotional energy, leaving you drained.
Sarah eventually realised she needed to protect her work-life balance. She began setting clear limits on after-hours communication and managing expectations for when she was available.
Action Step: Define what boundaries you need to protect your well-being. Politely but firmly communicate these to your boss, and stick to them, even when it feels uncomfortable.
3. Reframe Negative Feedback
Michael’s constant criticism left Sarah questioning her own abilities. Toxic bosses often use negative feedback as a tool to control and manipulate. But understanding that their feedback is not about helping you grow, but about maintaining control, can change how you interpret it.
Rather than letting this feedback define your self-worth, reframe it. Ask yourself if the feedback is constructive or simply critical. If it’s the latter, remind yourself that it’s not reflective of your performance, but of your boss’s toxic approach.
Action Step: Whenever you receive negative feedback, ask yourself, “Is this feedback actionable and helpful?” If not, let it roll off and focus on your own standards of success.
4. Find Allies and Build a Support Network
Isolation is a key tactic used by toxic leaders to maintain control. They may discourage collaboration, pit team members against one another, or make you feel like you’re the only one struggling. Sarah found herself feeling increasingly isolated at work, believing she was the only one dealing with Michael’s behaviour. But once she started talking to colleagues, she realised she wasn’t alone—others were experiencing the same issues.
Building a support network of colleagues who understand your situation can provide validation, advice, and much-needed camaraderie. Knowing that you’re not alone in your experience can make a significant difference in how you handle the situation.
Action Step: Reach out to trusted colleagues, whether in your department or elsewhere in the company, to share experiences and find mutual support.
5. Focus on What You Can Control
Sarah initially felt powerless under Michael’s leadership. But she slowly began to realise that while she couldn’t control her boss’s behaviour, she could control how she responded to it. Toxic bosses often thrive on making their employees feel like they have no control over their work or their environment, but that’s rarely the case.
Focus on the aspects of your job that you can control. This might include how you organise your work, the relationships you build, and the way you communicate your needs. By shifting your focus to the areas within your influence, you’ll begin to feel more empowered, even in a toxic environment.
Action Step: Make a list of the things you can control at work. Each day, choose one area to focus on improving or managing.
6. Know When to Walk Away
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the toxicity in the workplace may be too ingrained to overcome. Sarah eventually reached a point where she realised that no matter how much she set boundaries or reframed feedback, her boss’s behaviour wasn’t going to change. It was then that she made the decision to leave for a healthier environment.
Recognising when to walk away is not about giving up; it’s about choosing to prioritise your well-being. No job or boss is worth sacrificing your mental health or career satisfaction.
Action Step: Evaluate whether the situation is something you can manage, or if it’s time to start looking for new opportunities. Update your resume, connect with recruiters, and discreetly explore other roles that align with your values and career goals.
7. Reframe the Experience as a Learning Opportunity
As difficult as it is, working under a toxic boss can also be an opportunity to grow. Sarah learned valuable lessons in resilience, boundary-setting, and leadership—specifically, what kind of leader she never wanted to be.
Reframing your experience as a learning opportunity can give you a sense of control over the situation. Use the challenges you face as lessons for the future—whether in developing your emotional intelligence, managing stress, or leading others.
Action Step: Keep a reflective journal to track how you handle difficult situations. Over time, you’ll notice growth and gain a deeper understanding of how to manage toxic dynamics.
Owning Your Power
Toxic leadership can make even the most rewarding jobs feel unbearable. But by taking intentional steps to reaffirm your worth, set boundaries, and focus on what you can control, you can navigate toxic leadership without losing yourself in the process.
Sarah’s journey is a reminder that while we can’t always change our bosses, we can always choose how we respond to them. Sometimes regaining your power means making the decision to leave, but often it’s about protecting your well-being and finding your own path forward.
Don’t let a toxic boss define your career. Take back control, protect your peace, and thrive on your own terms.